In the time of resolutions and goal setting, perfectionism can deteriorate your progress and create an “all or nothing” mentality around achieving a given goal. Thinking if you mess up in any sense, you have failed. The feeling of failure can snowball into more intense blocks around that objective, for instance public speaking. Your goal may be to give the perfect speech, remembering all your key points and articulating them well, but if you start to falter, you may allow one small error turn into a much larger issue. Setting out with the expectation of perfection will set you up for failure. Here are some actionable strategies to combat perfectionism, especially when it comes to speaking anxiety.
- Recognize Perfectionist Thoughts
The first step to combating perfectionistic tendencies is learning to identify when you are setting unrealistic standards for yourself. For example, instead of striving to give the perfect presentation, strive to confidently and coherently get your all your key points across. Depending on where you are in your public speaking journey, allow yourself “imperfections.” These might be not getting caught up on long pauses or using filler words such as “like,” “um,” or “uh.” These might also be using visual aids like a notebook, cue cards, or other presentation materials.
- Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself. Learn to regulate your inner monologue. Only speak to yourself the way you speak to others. We are often much harsher on ourselves than the lens in which we view others. When you notice negative self-talk, stop and think, “would I say this about someone else? A friend, colleague or family member in my same position?” Likely you wouldn’t. Speak to yourself in the same manner as those you care about.
- Reframe Failures
Remember that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. Adjust your self critique to match how you would provide feedback to a friend, colleague or family member. You likely wouldn’t nitpick over trivial mistakes others make, so don’t dwell on minor hiccups in your own public speaking. View errors as opportunities to learn and grow, not as failures. Even if a public speaking event does not go your way, the process of getting up to speaking in front of others provides valuable practice to bring you closer to the confident speaker you want to be.
- Embrace Vulnerability
Realize that everyone has had some level of anxiety or nervousness around public speaking at some point in their lives. While everyone’s anxiety levels may not match your own, it is important to remember that your fear is not unique and is actually rather universal. Everyone feels some level of vulnerability when speaking in public and in order to be successful, you must learn to embrace that vulnerability.
- Set Realistic Goals
Focus on progress rather than perfection. Ask yourself if the goal you are setting is S.M.A.R.T. A “SMART” goal is one that is Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. In relation to combating perfectionism, it is most important to focus on achievable and relevant goals. Knowing yourself, what are you capable of given your current level of speaking anxiety and what is relevant to the public speaking event in question? Make sure your goals reflect those qualities and not an unrealistic and idealized idea of what you’d like to take place.